Saturday, January 14, 2012


SO, I was back, and then I haven't been back since. Lol. I am truly bad at keeping up with this. But, I will say things have been hard lately. And I have thought about blogging about it. But I didn't know how to go about it without sounding like I was totally bitching and being all poor me. I know there are people who have it alot worse out there, so I don't want to seem ungrateful or like a bitch, haha. But ya know what? My blog so I can bitch as much as I want, : )

I am just one of those keep it in people. Things get hard, and I worry, constantly. I talk to my hubby eventually, usually while breaking down and crying. Don't feel bad for me, I'm all good. This is not meant to make anyone feel bad for me/us, or anything else. It is just what has been going on, and like I said, my blog, so I should be able to talk about what truly bothers me. I guess in the past, if I complained too much about stuff, people would call me out on it and say I was a miserable person. I truly am not. I can complain about the hard stuff, but trust me, I am VERY thankful for the good stuff (ie my family <3)

So, we are poor. lol. Not like homeless poor, I know there are people who have it worse, and do not have a home. We have a house we just bought this past summer. But things are TIGHT! We live paycheck to paycheck, and it stinks. We have NO $ for anything extra. Living on such a tight budget is hard, really really hard. My husband works 6 days a week at his job, and then also recently had to take a second job working 2 nights a week. So on Wednesdays and Saturdays he goes from one job to another, and doesn't get home until about midnight. We barely see him, and he works his butt off for us, and for him I was always be grateful. He is the anchor of our family.

This has been bothering me alot lately. Mostly with some medical bills that have been piling up. Shane had went to the er with a concussion back in November, and then I also went in December when I had my eye issues. So, we have 2 er bills, even though we have insurance, they are ridiculous, and on top of the er bills, we also got 2 bills from the er doctors, which are way worse! This on top of all our other bills, when we barely are making it, makes me worry, alot. So, we figured as long we we pay something they cannot do anything to us. Well, we got a letter today from the hospital saying our payment did not meet their payment criteria and to call them to set up payments. We cannot afford anymore, and we are making an attempt to pay, so really? I will call them Tuesday, and tell them this. We can't pay what we don't have, but we always will pay something.

My husband's insurance sucks. It stinks, because like I said, racking up medical bills. And co-pays that are too high. I had an appointment I had to cancel this month, even though I waited a month and a half to get in, because we don't have the co-pay. I was suppose to go get a doppler done on the back of my leg, but can't because we can't afford the co-pay. Not being able to take care of ourselves physically sucks. I hate this. We have always worked so hard, yet things are always tough on us.

But the worst part, the absolute worst, is feeling like we cannot provide for our kids. I always have to get them clothes free from other people, or buy stuff used at thrift stores and online garage sale sites. My kids deserve more then this. They are the most wonderful kids in the world, and I hate the thought of ever letting them down. I know they don't care if its used or not, but I do. I want them to have nice things too! And we have wanted to put Shane into karate class or thought of maybe signing him up for soccer, but once again, these are extras we can't afford. :( Breaks my heart. I don't have barely any clothes, never get to pamper myself, and I'll dislike it, but I will deal with it. But my kids deserve soo soo much more. Does this make us bad parents? We love them with all our hearts, and they are our world! But, these are the thoughts I think when times get tough.

I don't know what we would do without my mom. It seems she is always the one buying stuff for the kids, that we should be providing. I know grandparents do these things, but she is the only one who does. And she has it rough too, but she always finds the $ for them. I hate taking from her, but if it's for my kids, I will. And I hate feeling like I am always taking advantage of her.

Why does it always have to come down to money? I broke down to my husband a week or so ago. I said I don't understand why things are always so hard for us? We are good, honest, hard working people, yet all we do is struggle. It isn't fair! And it is hard to find people who understand and don't think down upon us. We aren't deadbeats, far from it. We are just struggling.

We just moved to PA 6 months ago, and I would love to meet some new mommy friends, and have playdates and stuff like that, but it is hard to do stuff, when you have NO money. :( I think alot of people just don't understand. I am grateful to the friends that do understand though. I think being winter, it makes it harder. In the summer we love going to the park, and packing a lunch. But in the winter, if we go out, we cannot afford to eat out. And omg, eating...don't get me started! One of my biggest worries, is not being able to afford to buy all the expensive organic and really healthy food for my kids....and me too, cuz I would love to do Weight Watchers again! Only way I could ever lose weight was going to meeting and counting points. But we just can't afford it all :(

Okay, having bitched about all my problems, I want to say again, I know people have it worse. And I also am VERY grateful for what we do have. I just wish it wasn't such a struggle, and we didn't always have to check our bank balance to see if we can afford something. And it would be nice to just be able to go shopping one day to buy some nice new stuff. To not have to shop in the thrift store. Or to go to a hair salon and get my hair done, lol. While I'm at it, get Saige's name tattoed on me, and finish my sleeve, haha.... kidding. (sorta) I would really just like to live comfortably! I don't need to be rich, just to have to not struggle would be awesome! :)

Maybe I should stop doing this and go buy a lottery ticket.

Thursday, December 22, 2011


So WOW! I cannot believe how long it has been since I posted! The day after that last post we moved from where we were living and started staying with my husband's parents for a few months. It was a very rough few months! We were searching for a house to buy, my hubby was making an hour and  half commute everyday to work, and I was making the commute 3 days a week to take Shane to preschool, because I did NOT want to uproot him anymore from his life. SOO much has changed! Let me see...

We finally bought our first house! Our closing was in June, and my hubby spent a little over a month fixing it up for us to move in. We moved in on July 23rd. The day we moved in, what should of taken us 40 minutes took us 2 hours because of a bad accident closing down the highway and causing massive traffic. Once we g0t to the house our mini dachshund Lucy christened it with a poop on the front hallway floor which I stepped in! Yay! lol.

We celebrated Saige's 2nd birthday at our new house, even though it was nowhere near ready for guests, but hey it was family, they can see our mess! haha! Shane also started kindergarten! He did not have an orientation day because of the hurricane that happened the previous day leaving the school without power. So the poor guy had to go in for his first day without having met his teacher, and for a whole day! He went to preschool for 3 days a week, 2 1/2 hours to 5 days a week 6 hours and 15 minutes! I was pretty worried about the transition, but he made it NO problems!!! He loves school and I am SOOO very proud of him!

We have lived in the house almost 5 months now, and it is still nowhere near done! haha! Maybe by 2 years of home ownership it will be where I want it to be. I am happy with it though. I am proud of what I did in the kids rooms, they still need a few things, but for the most part they have rockin rooms! Our master bedroom is pretty big, and I love it! I think the most work is needed in the livingroom, we still need a tv stand, not the end table we are currently using, how ghetto, but oh well! Still need some shelves and a new tv too, but when you buy a house, you run out of money quickly. lol...and when you run into unexpected things, like needing a new chimney, well, those things just HAVE to come first!

Over all it has been a very intersting few months, and I have missed blogging! In fact I needed this soo much especially when things seemed like they weren't going to turn out or look up, but for whatever reason I never turned to it. A friend just started up a blog, and asked my opinion and I was like man I miss doing it! I like writing about my boring everyday life, and my very not boring awesome kids! lol...boy have they grown. And boy will I be sharing some good stories about them! But for now I just wanted to give a little overview of where I have been, and to say I'M BACK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Saturday, March 26, 2011

Frivolous Friday

So, this isn't something I will do every Friday, just occasionally. These are just things that I would love to have! Some of them I may eventually get, others are just way too silly and impractical, but doesn't make me want them any less. And they really are just wants, because I have my kids and hubby, and they are all I need! But if I somehow came into extra money,  and my family didn't need anything, I might just splurge and get one of these things! :)

Okay, I LOVE these shoes! But, really, can you see me wearing these and chasing after a toddler? Would they look good with my yoga pants and shirt that is stained from Saige getting cookie all over it? lol, very impractical. But boy would I love them!

 BAHAHA! How silly, huh? But I love it. I think it would go great in the tattoo themed bathroom I want.

 Okay this on is a little more practical. I LOVE the show Scrubs, and for some reason only own Season one, two and seven. Not even completely sure I own season 2. lol. I would like to own ALL the seasons!
 These are the earrings I have been drooling over on Etsy! I LOVE them! And my favorite color!  Check out her etsy shop for other earrings, and merchandise. (mycrystalstrands) She has a lot of other really nice earrings, but these are my favorite! If I only had the money.

 Okay, this one I WILL have. I love the Sookie Stackhouse series, and this is the next one! I have been waiting for this! It comes out in April. Yay!

So, that's all, not too bad, not too crazy! But sadly most of it I will never buy. But it's okay, it's nice to have pretty things to wish for, but really life is about WAY more than materialistic things.

*I know it is Saturday when this is getting posted, but I started it last night and had to stop it from the headache my new contacts gave me, lol I do know what day it is!*

Tuesday, March 22, 2011

Tuesday Weigh In

Stoked! This week I lost 3.6 lbs!! I am now down a total of 13.8 lbs! I believe it may of had something to do with the nice weather we had the end of the week. We spent all day outside Thursday and Friday, those days were absolutely beautiful! We even went outside the weekend, even though it wasn't nearly as warm.

We took a couple walks on the trail, but I have to say I got the most exercise the best way, running around with the kids! We had gotten Bean this ride on toy for Christmas, it has a handle on the back, to push her around in it, and she LOVES when you run her back and forth on the porch! I must of run back and forth hundreds of times, with her laughing her butt off! And in between that I would have to run and grab Shaney, twirl him around and pretend I would throw him over the side of the porch, lol. Thanks kids for helping mommy get exercise and have a blast with you at the same time!

I am getting bored with eating the same things over and over again though. So last night I went on some different websites and got some new recipes to try out. I made some healthy pancakes for breakfast, which were really yummy! I felt like I was cheating they were so good! I got some recipes for a black bean lasagna, which I am excited for, I LOVE black beans! Also a pasta with a lemon cream sauce,  sweet potato burritos, spaghetti frittata,  and a ton other! I'm excited to add some variety and the recipes all look SO good!

Unfortunately the weather is not suppose to be nice this week at all. I can't believe we had snow yesterday! BOO! I also heard more snow is in the forecast! I guess no riding my bike yet, but I am really looking forward to doing so!

Tuesday, March 15, 2011

Tuesday Weigh In

Well down another 1.4 lbs! Down a total of 10.2 so far! This is awesome! My total goal is to lose 35 lbs. And I am hoping my July to be able to do so.  I think this is an achievable goal! I am very excited we are  suppose to have some warm days later this week. I plan on going out early Thursday morning for a walk, just me and my ipod. (note to self- charge ipod!) Also later on Thursday I am going with a friend and our kids on a walk. Friday is suppose to be 70!!!! I am SO getting out all day that day! : )

This is the first week I have actually felt a difference, and I fit into an old pair of jeans!! I figure once I really start walking and getting in workouts I will see a lot of improvement as well. And I know as soon as I start back up with my walks, it is going to make me feel so much better too! Not just physically but mentally. I always enjoyed going out early in the morning and having a little quiet time, That is something very hard to come by around here, so I cherish it. I also equally love my walks with the kids. Last year I always wore Saige in my Beco carrier, but this year I plan on buying a jogging stroller. Something I need to do very soon!  Although I am going to try and put her in the Beco and see how she does. She hasn't been worn in so long, and she is little miss independent, so I don't know how she will take it. But carrying her is a good workout in itself.

I feel good, and I'm excited! This is going to be a great spring and summer! : )

Tuesday, March 8, 2011

Week 3 Tuesday Weigh In

I was a bit disappointed this morning when I got on the scale, I only lost 1 pound. But hey, it is a loss. I know you usually lose the most your first week, and I was shocked I lost so much my second week, I think it spoiled me. I should by no means be disappointed when I still lost. I also had miscalculated my first week, so I lost more that week than I thought. My loss is as follows:

Week One-  -4.4 lbs
Week Two- -3.4 lbs
Week Three- -1 lb
Total- -8.8 lbs

Not bad for three weeks I think. I will say this week was a little more tough at the end...we are getting low on "my" food, and I have to wait to do food shopping until at least tomorrow when the hubby gets paid. I notice I am eating a lot of the same stuff as well, and would like to mix it up. It's hard when I am such a picky eater.